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Thursday, January 27th, 2011
2:26 am
I am still up at all hours of the night just reading through here trying to see where I went wrong

current mood: pensive

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Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
2:31 pm - Update

Ok in my last blog i said this was my year to be happy or something like that and i have so far proved that starting something with a positive thought is really working . I am really happy more than I have been in a long time. Things are not perfect. They never will be, but life is pretty good. I have started classes in a field i have always liked to work. My current job is becoming more bearable by the day with the new position im in. Money is still an issue to a degree but we're working on that. My husband is still my number one fan. We celebrated 14 years on march 23 and will be married 12 years in november .  If you're wondering hell yeah the sex is still great and getting better every time ;). I have put a limit to my contact with unmotivated and unambitious people in my life and am focusing on our future together. All the haters and people that want to bring me down from our new high have been sent to steppin. I got tired of the drama. It has been liberating to say no to people and not feel bad about it. And it feels good to be there for the people that have often returned the favor when possible. I have surrounded myself with encouraging, positive minded, loving people that actually care about how I feel they make me feel good about myself and its made a huge difference. No more selfish, negative "you never gonna make it " "gimme gimme gimme" fuckers. I realized I am not responsible for grown ass people they need to learn to do for themselves. I did. Not that I won't give love , support , encouragement or advice or anything else that is free but the handouts and the rest of it has stopped. And they got mad and thats ok. they'll either work it out or stay pissed. I'm good either way. Right now nothing can stop my happy. Mad love to all my friends that helped me get there. Especially you Lonzo

current mood: determined

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Sunday, March 5th, 2006
2:08 pm - being a grown up
isn't it fucked up how when you are young you cannot wait to be grown so you can "do whant you want" and now i am grown and i never get to do SHIT i want. like i want to be doing laundry instead of clubbing or cooking dinner instead of hot sex i just want to say growing up SUCKS !!!!!!!!! and i really miss being able to date my husband

current mood: stressed

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1:56 pm - hi
hello everone i realixed i have never posted a pic of my face here so here i am
http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=57197600&imageID=513088652&Mytoken=B0C52D46-1401-136A-9BC3E9230D5B7839103024075

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Wednesday, July 6th, 2005
1:48 pm
i am back i guess i have been away longer than i thought. reading back it is a whole new life now i stayed away for a while for fear of some people in my life finding my journal and returned to paper which i could hide much more easily. and i have decided that if any one who knows me should chose to read any thing i have written on paper or otherwise and does not like it they can kindly kiss my fat ass so i am looking forward to catching myself up on things

Jay

current mood: indifferent

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Monday, September 8th, 2003
10:39 am - school
school started wednesday things are okso far just a few minor things little bumbs in the road bvut for the most part so far so good
my mom says she can take little lonzo 2 days a week so that leaves tues, weds and thurs that we need a sitter for .
but evern though he will be gone most of the time i still feel uncomfortable with this whole situation it really sucks the choices we have to make
at least my sex life is still good :)
well have to go clean house
woo hoo

current mood: okay

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Friday, August 29th, 2003
3:42 am
so I am here wide awake I have not slept good in weeks all I can think about is moving and how it is going to turn out for my kids and me
I know I have to leave come September but I really hate to go
well I guess things don't always turn out the way you plan
when I got married being away from my husband was not something I planned on having to do
but my situation with my step son has made it impossible to stay in this house
to stay would be putting my 2 children in danger of my stepson's abuse and I can't do that
he has gotten so out of control that even his mother can not deal with his shit he tried to hit her the other day so the plan to move out is really going to happen and I am really having a lot of mixed feelings about it
on the on hand I did vow to be there for my husband for better or worse
on the other hand my children always come first and I have to keep them away from his son
so there really is no other choice since there is no where else for his son to live I have to leave my husband to protect my children
it's really weird because I am not really all emotional and stuff like I thought I would be it is all just ... well I guess it hasn't really hit me
I am sad but not like hysterical or anything and my husband is being very supportive he is even going to help me however he can or so he has said
I think he feels terrible I know he will miss us but he also knows we have no other choice
until we can find a residential treatment facility that will take our son

current mood: awake

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Friday, August 22nd, 2003
12:26 pm
i can't believe i have not even been to this site in so many months i have been really ......
well i can't say busy but i have been ....occupied with the everyday things that needed to be done
as usual words seem to fail me and i don't know where to start with explaining my long absence and how i am even still here sometimes is really amazing to me
i am so different now the person i once was seems so distant and deep in my past that it's as if she was just a story i made up not real not a part of me
i want more than anything to get back that person
the girl that people liked to be around that was happy and caring ......
don't know what tomorrow has to offer me but it has to be better than today
and parts of yesterday
i no longer make any sense i know this but i have to think that writing this all helps to bring me some clarity and maybe just help me to vent and be honest

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Tuesday, November 5th, 2002
2:42 pm - final post
I do not think I will be writing here anymore I might return at a later date but for now this is a goodbye post.
to those of you that have been reading thank you and I will miss you but as you well know it has been so long since I had anything to say here.
for now mch2crzy is done although I may post once I get my shit together.
time for a new start

current mood: complacent

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Tuesday, October 15th, 2002
2:41 pm - God
am I the only one confused by this whole concept of a higher power a God or Jehovah or Allah or what ever it is you chose to call your deity?
I have tried the church scene several different times in my life and I always come to the same conclusion every time
please don't take this the wrong way it is just my own personal opinion but it seems to me that the bible is just another self help book for people a lot of good stories and sentiments. lots of encouraging words and advice to follow good morals and ethics but I still feel it is just the words of the men who penned it not a divine spiritual guide or the "word of God"
Do I believe that events that are in the bible really occurred yes of course I do but just like any folk story legend or fairy tale many story tellers exaggerate the truth of a story to make it more intriguing to the listener

current mood: contemplative

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1:57 pm
Subject: MENTAL HOSPITAL ANSWERING MACHINE
>>> > >
>>> > >
>>> > > > Answering Machine at Mental Health Hospital
>>> > > >
>>> > > > "Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline......
>>> > > >
>>> > > > If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
>>> > > >
>>> > > > If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for
>>> > > > You.
>>> > > >
>>> > > > If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
>>> > > >
>>> > > > If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you
>>>want. Stay on
>>> > the
>>> > > > line so we can trace your call.
>>> > > >
>>> > > > If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be
>>>transferred to
>>> > the
>>> > > > mother ship.
>>> > > >
>>> > > > If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small
>>>voice will
>>>tell
>>> > > > you which number to press.
>>> > > >
>>> > > > If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which
>>>number you
>>> > press,
>>> > > > no one will answer.
>>> > > >
>>> > > > If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
>>> > > >
>>> > > > If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the
>>>pound key
>>>until
>>> > a
>>> > > > representative comes on the line.
>>> > > >
>>> > > > If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address,
>>>telephone
>>> > > > number, date of birth, social security number, and your
>>>mother's
>>> > maiden
>>> > > > name.
>>> > > >
>>> > > > If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y &
>>> > > > c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
>>> > > >
>>> > > > If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message
>>>after
>>> > > > the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait
>>>for the
>>> > beep.
>>> > > >
>>> > > > If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>>> > > > If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>>> > > > If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>>> > > > If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>>> > > >
>>> > > > If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators
>>>are too
>>> > busy
>>> > > > to talk to you.
>>> > > >
>>> > > > If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down &
>>>cry. You
>>> > > > won't be crazy forever.
>>> > > >
>>> > >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > **********************************************************
>>> > Privileged and/or confidential information may be contained in
>>>this
>>>message.
>>> > If you are not the addressee indicated in this message (or are
>>>not
>>> > responsible for delivery of this message to that person) , you
>>>may not
>>>copy
>>> > or deliver this message to anyone. In such case, you should
>>>destroy this
>>> > message and notify the sender by reply e-mail.
>>> >
>>> > If you or your employer do not consent to Internet e-mail for
>>>messages of
>>> > this kind, please advise the sender.
>>> >
>>> > Shaw Industries does not provide or endorse any opinions,
>>>conclusions or
>>> > other information in this message that do not relate to the
>>>official
>>> > business of the company or its subsidiaries.

current mood: bored

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Wednesday, August 14th, 2002
9:22 am - not a surprise really






What's Your Inner Demon?


this quiz was made by Melissa

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Tuesday, August 13th, 2002
1:04 pm - don't think I mentioned
me and Cheryl went out Saturday and had a fucking good time
we danced from 11 PM till almost closing 3 am we were so tired when we got to her house but it was so worth it mean I had fun the last time I went out bot this place was so much better . once again the only thing missing was my husband he had to work as usual too bad the next day sunny pulled that shit with the kids

oh yeah and by the way they still are not home she is in sooooo much trouble especially because little lonzo is supposed to be attending school and taking meds

current mood: okay

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5:28 am



How Will You Die?


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5:26 am - why am I up !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
went to sleep at 9 PM last night and I have been up since 12 30 am I can never sleep more than 4 or 5 hours and I try but to no avail aaarrgh!!!

current mood: tired

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Friday, August 9th, 2002
11:43 am - it figures ^-^
round ass



You Have a Round Ass!


All the guys think that you're a cutie.

That's thanks to your ghetto booty.

You've got a ass that looks like it's black.

And color doesn't matter, because baby got back.



What Ass Do *You* Have??

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Wednesday, August 7th, 2002
6:42 pm
this club sounds really fun and although I am not really a swinger I think I'd like to check it out
they are doing something to the site so you can't really get the full effect but check it out in a few days tell me what you thinkswing club

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Wednesday, July 31st, 2002
4:50 am - as if I didn't know lol



boob job

boob joob

Do *You* Need A Boob Job?




forgive my conceit they are my only good attribute

current mood: awake

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4:30 am
no one in their right mind is possibly up right now but
if you are and you see this I'm me I am soooooo bored
and can not sleep so if any of you are insomniacs like me .....
hi

current mood: awake

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Tuesday, July 30th, 2002
10:34 pm - interesting site
http://www.presidiotex.com/aspartame/Facts/92_Symptoms/92_symptoms.gif
http://www.dorway.com/

I don't know that they are accurate but thought I'd post

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